Follow This Blog In my recent stay in hospital (8th - 14th July '23), specifically the four days in ICU I experienced a mixed bag of emotions. Most were anxiety tinged with frustration and some sadness at the loss of my health. There was also joy at the successes and pride in my resilience both physical and mental. During that time there was one moment that was the most terrifying I’ve ever experienced. It begged the question: would it have long term psychological consequences for me? This blog is an opportunity to process that experience by revisiting it, reflecting upon its implications and collect my thoughts, surrounding trauma, labels and self diagnosis. It’s in no way exhaustive or designed to be carved in stone. It’s simply where I'm at at this moment, a week after leaving hospital. It draws on my experience as an integrative counsellor with significant experience of working with clients who’ve been through similar experiences during their cancer journey. My Traumatic...

Follow this Blog! In this Post: A radiator, drip, a call, then: Admission to UCLH (University College London Hospital) via their A&E dept. Two nights reclining on the Haematology ward until a midnight transfer to ICU. Presenting: Sepsis vs Sadler, a battle fighting sepsis in ICU. To top it off a dance and a rosie bowl of tom yum soup! Wow what a ride - the timeline: |The Radiator: Saturday morning and I'm trying to rehang the bathroom radiator having been in a state of wonkiness for years. No matter how many times I measured, I couldn't get the brackets in the right place, brain fog! I was taking frustration/exhaustion breaks more and more frequently. I’d also heard an ominous crack from below the floorboards. A pipe joint had cracked and we get the first drip of this story. We now have a large hole in the ceiling of the room below. Do Not Pass Go: With perfect irony it wasn't the radiators temperature going up but mine! It was drilled into me at...

First up: I’ve added a ‘follow me’ link so you don’t have to sign into Google. I’ll email everyone to let them know when a new post is posted.   I’ve decided to get back into coding this summer partly to test whether I’m affected by cancer brain: the impact of Chemo on my attention and concentration, both in physiological and psychological terms. The joy of writing a blog is that when I reread this in years to come I alone will get all the jokes. This is in stark contrast to getting back into coding, where I’ll effectively have to hack the code of my younger self. ‘Why the F*&% did I code it like that!’ is my typical response. WARNING!  Today’s post is about nausea and will probably contain carrots! Nausea i.e. vomiting, throwing a Huey Green, or doing pavement pizza etc. That should start the thread going on facebook? It ‘ain’t gonna be pretty, colourful, but not pretty. Good news: I’m off the three per day anti-nausea tablets as I’m no longer feeling ick...

FOLLOW Apologies but I think Sitreps are going to be quite dry posts, especially as I'm now off alcohol! When I reread this in years to come, it’s useful to have a blow by blow account.  Summary:  I’ve now had two consecutive days of chemotherapy at the Macmillan Centre near London’s Warren Street. It’s part of UCLH and is a centre of excellence for many forms of cancer. There’s a wide open space with comfortable chairs that gives it the feel of a modern hotel foyer in the Bauhaus style. Nothing says caring support like raw concrete.  My chair yesterday was what I now call cancer pink, aka fuschia, suggesting the fushia’s bright, if not orange! It all went well apart from a tricky moment as me and another middle aged man crossed paths going in and out of the disabled loo, both with drip stands in tow. Picture two cars towing caravans manoeuvring in a motorway service station car park. He called his drip stand Hat Stand, which is good, but not as go...

C-3 Three days to Chemo It’s Monday and today I have the first blood test / clinic to check I’m healthy enough to start chemotherapy on Thursday. I slept well, which surprised me. I think this was mainly due to running the last Salsa Rapido 1-Day Intensive course until July 23rd! They were a fun group and I really appreciate that one couple deferred their date after I appealed for anyone with flu sniffles to postpone. The last two weeks has been full of endings: I completed the Mambalsa course at the Nightingale which was a great success. I’ve also paused my counselling work there as the counselling rooms are too small for social distance. The feeling I'm experiencing is closer to preparing to move abroad, I’m both anxious and excited. I’ve also been shopping. I’m now the proud owner of an orange bucket and a multi day pill box. The bucket is carrot coloured, do I need to say any more? The pill box is for the muesli of pills that comes with chemo. There’s anti-inflammatory, anti...

Ladies and Gentlemen, I introduce to you, the one and only (Cue drum roll) Capitano Chemo! It feels quite fitting that my marathon blog evolves into my cancer journey blog. The similarities are numerous. For last year's (2022) Brighton marathon I trained for six months, which is the proposed length of my chemotherapy. I’d actually prepared for the 2020 Brighton marathon which was postponed due to lockdown and it was 2019 that I received my first diagnosis of lymphoma (See earlier post for more details). Both are uncomfortable at times and there's always the possibility that you wont make it to the finish line! So what’s Capitano Chemo all about? Truth is I’m not quite sure but I’m hoping he’ll reflect many aspects of my life so far: comedy, counselling, running and something I do extremely well i.e. sitting on a sofa doing sod all! Let’s start with comedy. Captain Chemo has two main super powers: The aforementioned doing sod all and projectile vomiting hence his trusty bucket! ...

  Scanxiety This is a B-Cell Tomorrow I have a consultation at UCLH to discuss my recent CT scan and treatment options. I had a routine consultation two weeks ago after a blood test. They informed me that I would need chemo within the next year. I felt unprepared for that news as my bloods were exactly as expected, i.e. the white cell count is doubling every 10-12 months and I have no symptoms. Chemo will consist of two drugs given in six, monthly cycles for six months. Each cycle consists of  two consecutive days of chemo. This will knock out all my white cells both good and bad so I'll have no immunity for 7-10 days. This will make me especially prone to viruses.  For two years after the start of the chemo, I’ll also have depleted immunity making me prone to bacterial infection.  Tomorrow is my chance to present my thoughts. I accept that I have limited knowledge and experience so my perspective has to be guided by the experts. My role is to convey my preference an...

Who's Lynne and what's she FOMO about? My cancer journey so far. Before we start, please recognise that this blog may be upsetting for some. It's not my aim to upset anyone, only to speak my truth. You have a choice as to whether to read this or not, make it now. I like the idea that when I was first diagnosed with Lymphoma my mind went into a fuzz and all I could remember after was the miss-heard statement "Who's Lynne and what's she FOMO about?" But it didn't happen like that. Aug 2019 I'd been stuffing my face during lunch at my Salsa Rapido 1-Day courses. Service was often slow so I'd have to gobble my food down then get up and dance. It was uncomfortable and after a few weeks I realised I had a lump a few inches above my navel a little to the right. I went to the GP who was one of those young and tech savvy GPs, who sent me for an ultrasound scan without any physical examination. The ultrasound was 'inconclusive' and there were ano...

So, I did it! I started writing up this full account, the day after I ran the 2022 Brighton Marathon. Time to reflect on yesterday's achievement. I'm 56, two stone overweight and hated cross country running at school, and yesterday I ran the 2022 Brighton Marathon in 6 hours and nine minutes. It’s the day after and the stiff bits are a little less stiff and the sore bits are less sore. My mind's a bit slow and foggy as it recovers, but I’ve the dull satisfaction of achievement. It feels very nice and I question where that nice feeling is coming from, then I remember yesterday and go arrrrrrr it’s over. There is also now an empty space in my life that was filled with preparation, anxiety and excitement. Prep: I feel in my own way I’ve done it the sensible way. My running has built up over the years and my significant preparation was for the 2020 Brighton marathon, where I’d run the distance in North London. There was no expectation then. No exposure to public scrutiny. Noth...