C+

The last time I got a C+ must have been in O Level English when I was in my teens! I know that’s not long ago on a geological timescale but I’ve just got another!

This C+ is for testing Covid positive.

Apart from the excitement of passing the test, apparently sarcasm is unaffected by covid, I have to say it’s a bit of a shock. I’d imagined something more .... spectacular? Or maybe I’d be one of the asymptomatic ones, the James Bond of the viral vector world (sounds better with a German accent), slipping in and out of the supervillains volcano/pied-à-terre unnoticed.

Unfortunately, this particular James Bond came crashing through the volcano’s front door in a white van marked James Bond - Fabric Dyer to the Stars! Out I popped in blue overalls similarly liveried, where upon super villain says:

“Vell, Mr Bond, Velcome to my Viral Vector’s volcano.” (If an alliteration works, milk it!). “No, say nothing! I don’t expect you to talk, I expect you to dye!” (And the pun mussel still works even if I couldn't get to a vector/Spector one)

So last Friday I did a lateral flow test and tested negative. I always do one before my Salsa Rapido courses to protect my clients, in the hope they do the same and we all live happily ever after. I tested again on Sunday and I’m still negative as on Monday’s I have Salsa Kings Cross (plug plug).

I felt a little tired and sniffly on Monday but put it down to loads of people having had an autumn cold, including Fliss who had a week long snot-fest the week before whilst regularly testing negative for covid. Tuesday morning I feel like I’ve got the same as Fliss and take a test. Still negative, so if it looks like a cold, and acts like a cold, it’s probably just a cold, right?
By the way, the Lateral Flow test with a head full of snot is soooo glupy! Too much information?

Tuesday evening I get hot, not a fever, but enough to have a cool flannel to mop my brow/head (there’s no longer a border between the two). I up the fluids; water, malbec and single malt remedy, and off I go to bed.

Now Fliss and I have a simple system when either of us have a cold, one of us sleeps in the spare room. It’s nothing to do with infection, it’s more about one person flailing around like a car wash, coughing and spluttering like the last diesel car in London and getting up in the middle of the night in a noisy inconsiderate way i.e. whilst breathing.

There’s no blame or shame to this system, it’s just calmly evoked with a simple phrase along the lines of: “You’re going to be as annoying as F£$k tonight!” and off the other one goes.

To say it was a rough night’s sleep was an understatement but I haven't had a cold for nearly a decade so I’ve no real memory of how they should feel.

I woke up in a pool of sweat. I remember thinking: Ladies glow, men perspire and horses sweat. So what was a horse doing in my bed? Neigh bother pal!

Wednesday I cancelled my counselling client. This is the first time I’ve ever cancelled at short notice. It’s telephone counselling so no infection issues, but my head was so full of glupe I couldn’t hear properly. Besides, my nose had decided I was going to practice the trumpet all day, session or no session. Wednesday evening and night was pretty much the same, perhaps a little better but certainly no worse.

Thursday, I felt much better. No hot head and I’d slept better. We went for a five mile walk which was nice if a little more tiring than usual. One of my eyes had turned red, which was no surprise given the face touching and blowing over the last two days.

As we got back Fliss said, why not take the test ready for the weekend’s course? And I did and surprise surprise covid positive! I retested from another box and I got the same result, Fliss tested and she was still negative. By the evening both eyes were so red I was ready to play Dracula, if Dracula was bald. We cancelled our social commitments. The neighbours, unbidden, offered an emergency  wine drop if necessary. That’s community for you. If it was whisky I could have said community spirit!

And so today. I'm feeling a lot better after the best night’s sleep all week. To be honest it felt great to be alive, and that phrase has taken on a deeper significance as I realise that there was some real fear before I slept.

We self tested my sense of smell and I couldn't smell the bacon! It didn't stop me eating it though! If you can't taste the calories they don't count, obviously!

The PCR test has just arrived and the cancellation process is underway with everyone being very kind and understanding thus far. T.B.C. (I hope)

See you on the other side :)