A New Kind of Litter




I’ve noticed a new kind of litter on the streets of London, discarded surgical gloves.

I struggle to understand the circumstances where someone says to themselves "that's it job done" and peels off their gloves to throw them on the street. What task can they be doing that at one moment is so risky that protection has to be worn, and the next it so safe that the body can go au natural? Double entendres aside, there seems no logic here. They don't seen to be by entrances or in the gutter as if emptied like a driver's ashtray.

It seems a challenge to find out as if someone’s thrown down the gauntlet [good glove reference which seemed to fit like a ...]


A theory is forming where the high risk activity of being outside and possibly touching something potentially baaaaaad is perfectly normal until that itchy chin or wayward hair requiring immediate attention gets attended to via the latex laminated appendage. Eventually the risk of accumulated matter on the gloves being transferred to the face is equal to the original risk and the gloves become redundant.

So what to do?

I’ve created an action plan
  1. Be bald. I’ve much experience in this dept and I can say that wind blown wayward hair is not an issue for me unless nose and ear hair count. As much as I lament the shallowness of a life devoid of the extensive hair products now available to men, it does have added benefits such as being the first to know its raining. I note how the follically abundant have to overcome their disability by using the 'hand palm up' ritual and chanting ‘It’s just spitting.’
  2. Give all under thirty something's an extra mobile phone. Instantly they will be unable to touch anything as both hands will be fully occupied. 
  3. Give all used gloves to dog owners. They already have exposure to the virus via the fluffy surgical swabs on legs that wallow in the shed biological waste of everyone in their vicinity. The gloves can be recycled into poo bags and hung from the nearest branch of a bush for reasons that have never been made clear to non dog owners.

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